Maktub..revisited..

This i wrote 5 years back..still is as relevant..and i now wish should always be..

“Maktub”


And then I went in deep

seeking clarity over confusion

trying one step at a time

but I stumble my way thru the haze

guided by an angel;

and as I was there all alone

walking past; all my thoughts came back running to me

and there it lay the answer to the question engraved

and I smiled to self as I read,

it said ‘maktub’ once again...

If only I could describe myself…u want one word for it – ‘restless’…There have been umpteen times I thought I have been able to figure myself out…Every time I think I know myself I surprise myself…The more I digged the muddier it became and the more urgent and immediate the desire to find the proverbial other end…years later now the digging at times takes frantic restless pace and at times a withdrawn dreary cadence…looking back I can see there are endless me all glued into one…the one who does ‘well’ and wins, the one whom his most friends and acquaintances like who laughs and parties and lives life to the core, interestingly the one whom some remaining friend like who hates being in a crowd and prefers solitude and his own company to anything else, then there is the one who is sure-footed and all assured of himself as he never goes wrong, and the one who is shy and hesitant even scared at times and transparently so but still tries, the one who loves and wants to be loved and then the one who wishes to live for himself and himself alone, the one who strives to keep everyone happy and then the one who knows this is superfluous, the one who says ‘hakuna matata’ just as often as he would be branded a workaholic, the one who has morals, ideals and opinions on everything and suffers for them and then the one who is materialistic and a good one at that…

And then the one who hates all of these me when he meets them individually and wonders why they are. I know there is some absurd way all these meet in an embrace called me- just can`t find how…seems like heisenberg’s uncertainty..seems like life

And still the churning goes on…