Friday, August 27, 2010

Cards

“ For want of a nail the shoe was lost

For want of a shoe the horse was lost

For want of a horse the rider was lost

For want of a rider the battle was lost

For want of a battle the kingdom was lost”

Sanjog was hearing Chandrika, babuji’sgrand daughter reciting her school poem while he waited for babuji to get ready and come. Everything seemed to connect to the thought he had been struggling to avoid for days now. Sanjog had felt lost the entire day today. On days like these he would usually sit with babuji and chandi for drinks and cards in the evening. And it was rarely that the gentleman they were they refused. Babuji was always looking to spice up his post retirement life and there were not many in the town that would suit him more than sanjog and chandi was the easiest invitee once sold the idea of drinking.

But today was different.

Sanjog moved to sirohi 13 years ago from Bangalore. This small town in south rajasthan was known for the artisans who produced clay pots. He learnt from them for full 3 years and has been here since then. Never did he have had more pleasure in playing with mud since he was 4 years old. Overs the years he started experimenting with clay in a way which was not necessarily leading to clay pots but differing shapes which could only be characterized as weird. One thing which aided the weird designs was the rubber gloves he seemed to have his hands all the while. He was selling less and less in the local market and more and more of them now adorned his shed, verandah, drawing room and even bedroom. He was not using his hands to modify the shape the clay was taking. It was a nonchalant way of throwing clay over a revolving wheel in random order. He would let it take the shape and then sit down to sketch on them.

Only once before was he so engrossed in his work ever in his life.



Sanjog grew up in the bustling cantonment of nashik. He was a beautiful strange kid with strangely beautiful ideas. He had a everyday regular childhood and just like his elder brother took up engineering. Well it was the national hobby for parents to send your sons for engineering and sanjog was one of the brightest minds. After his education he joined a private aviation firm. He soon found himself wanting to go back to studying and joined IISc Bangalore where he did his masters and decided to stay on. He was researching on turbulence and the impact it had on flights. It always fascinated him that while billions of dollars was spent in the most expensive of aircrafts they still never could really predict how it will react when it flew through the clouds. Some really stable looking fluffs of clouds contain amongst them moving air inside in a way which will rock the aircraft. It brought a drain on the energy, the flow the accuracy of the aircrafts. He found similar problems were there with submarine in water. He wanted to find how to predict and control turbulence. He worked feverishly to try and measure the impact of various wind speeds, humidity and vibration on a moving object. He was lost as he had found beauty in science.

There was only one other place where he was at peace with himself besides his wind tunnel. The road to Anthony top. It was beautifully lined and the wind always blew full in your face. Sometimes the cloud overhead almost looked like they had been furrowed to look like brain matter. It resembled the image of brain on his table he thought. When driving around the road in his bike he would drive fast till he could almost feel his eyes watering out. There would be tears rolling out of his eyes and over his cheek backwards. It was here that he met Rubina the first time. She saw him wiping the tears of his face and smiling to himself after one such drive.

She would listen intently to what he had to say about physics and mathematics and biology and water and sun and sand and then just smile and say my grandmother too talks about sun and water all the time. She was a lecturer in literature department of Bangalore University. Such was the nature of conscious intelligence and in so many different ways it can manifest. With simple sentences she could bust weeks of his work. “So basically you just slightly improved upon what was done by Dr Fesel.” Anybody else belittling his work and he would lash out with a fury.

Gradually Sanjog was spending more and more time with his work and he was getting more and more obsessive with his attempts to predict and minimize the damage by turbulence. Starting afresh was becoming a problem. He would always find his ideas getting influenced by work done before him. Corrupted by his own previous failures and polluted byefforts of his more distinguished counterparts. He would always start where either he or someone else ended. Sometimes Rubina and her free flowing contribution also confused him. “Your science needs to meet some human intuition too”. He was putting more and more of his time and less and less of his heart in his pursuit. But that was then. He left bangalore when he skinned his hands in science and skinned his heart in love. He wore gloves on his hand to hide the burns and for himself he decided to hide here.



Chandi always liked being in the company of sanjog. He was a simple villager who used to manage a family of six with his small herd of goats. He would sit for hours when sanjog spoke and while he could barely understand what sanjog would tell he somehow always would end up connecting everything to what his goats used to do too. As sanjog and babuji laid down the first round of cards, he warmed his hands as if he was cold and got ready to play.



As Sanjog was shuffling the deck of cards in his hands, babuji snatched it away. He wanted to shuffle cards once more. “I would change my luck” he grinned. Sanjog was thinking that the fact that shuffle would change the cards was for sure but for better or for worse wasn’t sure. You make your choices and alter the course of your future in a similar way. But for better or worse you never know. Also you would never know what it was going to be otherwise. He had left Bangalore and after about a month travelling around had come to sirohi and decided to stay across. But his desire to move again was beginning to take shape. Last night he woke up from a dream he was having . He had stepped into a place where the wind didn’t blew, clouds were stagnant, the land was plain and the trees never moved. Things were constant and defined and you never made mistakes. But he felt uneasy. When he woke up he realized life didn’t come with a set of instructions and there is reason for it to be so. His eyes held back the moisture but the clouds didn’t and it rained.

Chandi’s raucous laughter brought him back to the game. Babuji had lost inspite of the extra shuffle. Obviously that meant he lost too but he hadn’t much to loose. The beginners luck has probably started to cease. He knew his time was up in this place which had sheltered him for this long.

He walked out for a smoke. It was raining again. He started walking towards the road. There a lorry driver trying to mend something in his vehicle which had broken down due to rain. His old pride at mechanics took over and he dived besides him beneath the lorry. Another couple of hours and the lorry started. Even later Sanjog never really understood why but he just sat along with the lorry driver and drove out of sirohi. The lorry had two things written on it. “I will be a truck when I grow up” and “ ALL India Permit”.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Charitraheen..

Charitraheen…by sharat Chandra chatterjee


I would like to start with apologizing to ppl who think I am committing blasphemy by writing about it in english but trust me I read, appreciated, dreamed, smiled and felt kicked about the’ upanyas’ in Hindi..now I feel an earnest desire to put my thoughts out and though I would not be able to figure out hindi fonts and write here in Hindi what I want atleast is to write..but then it is a debate better left for another day. Is an idea only in thought better than a partial execution of the idea in practice..

I have been wanting to read charitraheen for quite many years now and I finally managed to read it about two weeks ago..i have just moved to gurgaon from mumbai and since my tv wasn’t operational I had no choice but to pick up a book and read it..but man o man was I happy I picked this up..i have always believed woman are a lot stronger in matters of heart than us guys..they do not corrupt the beauty that the heart is by being fickle and don’t allow it to corrode the purity of it by rationalizing things..and just like many bangla novels of that genre this too had stronger female characters..

4 female characters..Savitri , Kiranmayi, sarojini and surbala..and three guys around whom the story revolves..Now savitri and Kiranmayi are branded charatreiheen while surbala and sarojini are holding eh fort fort for piousness and idealism..

the virtuous and giving central character of Savitri..branded charitraheen-she remained the epitome of true love which be the way is quoted very often by idealists..the love which does not ask and only gives..trust me it is a really painful exercise and I must dissuade readers from it..it is also used by many to preach a one way flow when they find it difficult to return the compliment back to the source..statements like who says a love has to necessarily translate into some concrete relationship..it can just be by itself..pious..this my dear friends is the 21st century decodation of the innocent love of Yore which I do not quite subscribe to..i suggest always see if the juice is worth the squeeze..

the other character Kiranmayui- the stunningly beautiful yet neglected in love wife of a dying scholar...she has put across a lot of thoughts which challenge the existing notion of right and wrong..one very simple argument she gives is what is not claimed as yet rightfully in heart by anyone is open to a civil manner of approach..i like it  it is even better than ‘goal keeper theory’..this theory I heard in the corridors of the my ivy league B-school between discussions on ‘put’ and ‘call’..in short goalkeeper theory states, there is always one legitimate and lots of side kick defenders (Bf or husband or wannabe bf’s ) for every women and there are always some strikers who would want to score a goal..every striker who scores a goal then inevitable turns a defender for the next bunch of strikers.. YYYY I guess would justify a lot of attempts ppl made in college and which were looked down upon..

the third character was Sarojini..she was less described but again a powerful character who stood for what she believed in..not so sure if it works out fine everytime..well every time I have done this in my personal trysts with love I have definitely not come out grinning..may be I have yet to acquire a notion of what belief is right and what is wrong but guys if the notion has not been acquired by 27 it will not happen now..so I shall die a sinner without the proper ‘notion’..

I suggest this as a very strong reading for people who want to fall in love with hindi again. The beauty of the characters which might seemed flawed from many perspectives will only be appreciated if you read it as a ‘romantic poet’ and not a judgmental scholar..i though have one grudge against charitraheen...the two ‘charitriheen’ characters are suffereing a lot through the novel nad in the end too..the men are just there to confuse an complicate and are weak and gullible characters all through but seem to have the better deal…After challenging the boundaries of rational and beautifying it with the purely emotional all through the book, the author eventually allows rationality to win on all counts..Savitri doesn’t get the love of her life and ends up almost a saint and sanyasi and Kiranmayi who stepped beyond the boundaries of society goes mad..wish he didn’t had to make it appear real..still for the warmth it generated in my heart I salute thee sharat babu..

Maktub..revisited..

This i wrote 5 years back..still is as relevant..and i now wish should always be..

“Maktub”


And then I went in deep

seeking clarity over confusion

trying one step at a time

but I stumble my way thru the haze

guided by an angel;

and as I was there all alone

walking past; all my thoughts came back running to me

and there it lay the answer to the question engraved

and I smiled to self as I read,

it said ‘maktub’ once again...

If only I could describe myself…u want one word for it – ‘restless’…There have been umpteen times I thought I have been able to figure myself out…Every time I think I know myself I surprise myself…The more I digged the muddier it became and the more urgent and immediate the desire to find the proverbial other end…years later now the digging at times takes frantic restless pace and at times a withdrawn dreary cadence…looking back I can see there are endless me all glued into one…the one who does ‘well’ and wins, the one whom his most friends and acquaintances like who laughs and parties and lives life to the core, interestingly the one whom some remaining friend like who hates being in a crowd and prefers solitude and his own company to anything else, then there is the one who is sure-footed and all assured of himself as he never goes wrong, and the one who is shy and hesitant even scared at times and transparently so but still tries, the one who loves and wants to be loved and then the one who wishes to live for himself and himself alone, the one who strives to keep everyone happy and then the one who knows this is superfluous, the one who says ‘hakuna matata’ just as often as he would be branded a workaholic, the one who has morals, ideals and opinions on everything and suffers for them and then the one who is materialistic and a good one at that…

And then the one who hates all of these me when he meets them individually and wonders why they are. I know there is some absurd way all these meet in an embrace called me- just can`t find how…seems like heisenberg’s uncertainty..seems like life

And still the churning goes on…

In search..Hyderabad

i lived in hyderabad for two months in the summer of 2006. Today mind was all over the place and so went to the secundarabad part of town...saw some old lanes...Paradise hotel who is rumoured exports biryani to middle east daily on flights..also went looking for sangeet theatre on S.P road where i remember having a movie in balcony, a biryani for 40 rs and a 10 rs coke all in Rs 100 flat!!! It was not there..some multiplex is coming over abhi..no opinions no comments on the change..went around tank bund area and took a round of hussain sagar lake..the lake looked pretty dirty from what i remembered before..but what I liked was seeing the pubs and discs..this will always remain the town which will taught me to party..i saw Bottles and Chimney (B&C) in begumpet, The sixth sense, club 10 (or is it 20) in lifestyle..had buffet lunch at minerva grand...for benifit of ppl i quit drinking some 2.5 years bak..the pubbing and discs have never been the same again in life..so since i barely ever drink anything except a rare wine once in a blue moon the new addas are not on my fingertips..but necklace road in d nite remains..will come bak...n come bak for d right thing..to visit hussain sagar and its beautiful necklace in d evening..

Monday, August 16, 2010

i will write..

6 years..3 anonymous blogs..loads of articles wasted on sheets of paper or word docs wid file 1 file 2 names lost in gb's of data..later..
i decided to write..and write with a new blog..one i will claim :) no i m no weirdo writing unread crap of which there is tonnes around by the way..i just felt like writing..its a good idea..one should do that.
So here i m in an hyderabad hotel and using there business conference room to start writing..well for once i was really happy..and happy enough to have this urgent and unbreakable hold to write..anything..maybe even unread crap..
so i spend a day at work..met nemo in the evening and on my way back just thought i will write..my auto rickshaw broke its gear clutch n i had to walk more than a km to hotel..it also drizzled on the way but i still manage to cling on the 'i will write today part'..ok i will not lie..it was half a km only and there was just a spattering of rain drops nothing more..but still..
well it was in the pipeline for sometime waise..but when nemo questioned that whether i m a so claimed happy creature or opinionated or cynic i was confused..and so i wanted to write and i will create chotu chotu sa cute sa folders where i will classify my writings as general, black humour, cynical, romantic bla bla and then count and figure out where i stand..no matter if it sounds like the B-school pyramid/framework/structure puke to try and find urself by counting articles in folder but who the hell are u kidding..u tell me a better way to quantify the uncertainity and the fickleness of a random mind..if u dont have another idea which is foolproof lemme be happy and write :).. no matter if bose is gonna kick my corporte ass tommorrow at work...no matter i have decided to trim my balding head to minimal...and no matter my body aches coz of the once in blue moon excessive gym session..i am happy and i will write..